Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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