I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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