you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
