Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
