Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
