Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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