I'm laying in your front yard are you home
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
