How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize