why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
