I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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