I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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