He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
