Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
