I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
