I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
