I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
