Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
