i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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