So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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