The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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