Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
