I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
