ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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