May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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