If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
