I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
