dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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