I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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