this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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