Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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