There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bring money and cleavage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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