My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
