but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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