Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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