OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
