Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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