I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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