i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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