All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
