i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
