It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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