She's JV to your varsity
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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