I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
