you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
