i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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