It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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