Kiss
Puke
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
