That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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