How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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