i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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