haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize