life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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