I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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