Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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