I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watching her eat just hurts me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
