We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
