Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
