Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
