We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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