Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
